Christmas Day 2014 - Never Eat the Last Cookie

I wrote this quite awhile ago, but it never seemed appropriate as a blog post. It's a bit mushy for distribution, we thought. But it's Christmas and we're apart and we thought … maybe, just maybe ... you'd indulge us and overlook the mush and share just a wee bit of our Christmas and year long spirit.

Do you ever ponder why your relationship is what it is? Good, bad, great or wretched, life is what we make it and so are our relationships. We've been blessed with a good, strong relationship. It's survived children, grandchildren, work, wallpapering, owning a business together, the death of a child and living on a sailboat for nearly 15 years. We don't question that it's good, but sometimes we wonder how it worked out as well it did. We've come to the conclusion that, for us, it all comes down to this philosophy … “Never Eat the Last Cookie”.

It could just as well have been “Don't eat the last serving of ice cream” or more to the point … think of your partner before thinking about yourself. Don't just go the extra step; go the extra mile. Don't take the relationship or each other for granted. And just as importantly, don't suffer in silence if there's something's wrong. Get it out on the table; confront it and make it right again. Take good care of each other.

We've both survived previous marriages that failed and we've thought long and hard about what worked and didn't work in the past. Since we failed previously, perhaps we're not the best advisers on the subject, but then again … maybe we can offer something. We've certainly tried hard to determine what we, as individuals, did or didn't do that caused previous relationships to fail. “It takes two”, they say.  When the lust and the luster of a new relationship wear off, you're left with just yourselves (and sometimes a few extra little people) to cope with and it's just not easy. We've certainly had to work harder at some times than others. We're glad we did.

So when you see that last, scrumptious, homemade chocolate chip cookie just sitting there and calling your name ... think twice. Don't eat it. If you subscribe to our philosophy, you'll be sharing it later anyway.

Merry Christmas!

Cousins by the Dozens

My mother, Beatrice, was one of 14 children. Ten of the children married and had children and their children have had children and even some of their children have had children. It goes without saying, Lin and I have beaucoup cousins. Unfortunately, we don't get to see them often … funerals seem to be the usual occasion for get-togethers lately … not the best venue for cousin fun and merriment. We thought we'd like to change it a bit this year. Three of Bea's sisters are still living and visiting them seemed like a wonderful way to share my mom's spirit this Christmas and perhaps catch up with some cousins, too.

It was too late to plan anything very formal, but we were hoping to get as many cousins together as possible for a Cousins' Christmas. We ended up doing it on two separate days. Truth be told, Lin and I didn't have to do much in the Coordination Department. Cousin Mark handled the Connery side of the clan in Clinton, Massachusetts. Aunt Jeannette had seven kids. They all married and they have kids (and yes, some of their kids have kids.) I don't even know most of the second or third cousins. Keeping track of the first cousins has always been a challenge unto itself. I believe “herding cats” was the chore at hand for Mark, but he managed remarkably well. The one-hour drive to Clinton was filled with sisters singing Christmas carols and admiring the new snowfall on the evergreens. After a delightful visit with our 90-year-old auntie, we descended upon cousin Theresa's home for a cousin reunion and brunch. We ate and drank and kibbitzed the day away. There was no dearth of conversation, nor old stories nor laughter.

Cousin Maelee is the go-to cousin for getting folks together and spreading the word throughout the other families and she did an incredible job of getting in touch and gathering the clan. The next day, we headed to Aunt Bette's house. She's now the matriarch of the family and her house is a good gathering spot for family. At 91, she still lives alone in the same house she's lived in for over 70 years  years in Oxford, Massachusetts. She was beaming when we arrived. She's always been social and having crowds of family in her tiny house seemed to delight her. There were cousins everywhere. Aunt Vickie, the baby girl of the Lacoste family at age 84, managed a visit despite recouping from heart issues earlier this year. Once again, eating and drinking intermingled joyfully with hugging, reminiscing, joking, and unbridled laughter. We did cousin stuff and we did it loudly and with much gusto. Absolute cousin bedlam ensued … it was outstanding. In the photo, that's Aunt Vickie at center left and Aunt Bette on the right. David and Nikki … thanks for the pic.

I don't remember having seen this many cousins since I was a little girl and our grandmother celebrated her 75th birthday at a grand family reunion at my aunt's farm. I'd forgotten how wonderful cousins can be. All from the same stock; all branches from the same family tree; all a part of me and me, a part of them. We parted with promises to stay in touch and get together soon. Maybe we will; maybe we won't; but these past two days have been a highlight of my Christmas season. Thanks, cousins!

We're posting this on Christmas Eve and though we're apart, David and I are together in spirit (and via Skype several times a day!!). We wish you all a very happy holiday.

Staying versus Leaving

We blog frequently about the compromises we make living on a boat. Whether it be doing without amenities like a freezer or hot water, or negotiating work versus play days, there always seems to be give and take in our live-aboard life. Making the decision to fly home for Christmas this year was one of the more difficult compromises we've made lately. Being apart has been more the norm than the exception these past couple of years, so opting to be apart when there was no real family emergency seemed a bit inconsiderate on my part. Yet, David encouraged me to go and spend the holidays with my sister.

I treasure the holiday season. David enjoys it, but it's not that important to him. “David, I'm going to decorate the boat for Christmas.” “Okay, honey, have at it.” If it gets decorated, wonderful. If it doesn't, no worries. I go for lots of lights and faux evergreen garlands, fresh flowers when we can find them, stuffed stockings and a  traditional roast turkey dinner with all the trimmings. David loves the food aspect, and cheerfully participates with my holiday-mania, but the rest is all fluff to him. We even negotiate how soon and how often I'll play Christmas music on the boat. He's reluctant to hear the same Christmas CDs (we only have two) much before December 1st. Me? I could start playing them in July without a problem.

In the past, we've celebrated Christmas in Florida, Ecuador, Chile, Tasmania, New Zealand, South Africa, and Australia … sometimes with a group and sometimes just the two of us. We always manage to make the the day cheery, but there's something about picking out a Christmas tree and decorating it, and all the other festivities that lead up to the holiday that put me in the spirit.

David and I talked about this at length before I made the plane reservations. I wanted him to come back with me. He preferred to stay and work on the boat rather than travel back to the States for a couple of weeks. He'll rack up some “cave time” and get lots of projects completed by the time I return.

What it all comes down to is compromise once again. Beyond doing things for the boat and maintaining our live-aboard, gypsy lifestyle, sometimes we need to do things for ourselves as individuals. So I'll be in Boston sister-ing over the holidays and David will be in Durban Nine-of-Cupping and come the New Year … we'll be ready to start living the good life once again … together.